It is a month that we both finally conceded the fact that we are in love. And I must confess it has been a packet of little talks, disagreement and settlement.

For myself I speak, I love him. For him, I cannot. For there are many of his actions which leave me wondering. Just last week, I shook to my own shock at some thoughts of his unfaithfulness. I am falling in love “too-much” again and this has been a bane to my previous relationships. I have tried to armour myself but it is all coming back. He knows too. Perhaps, he is manipulating that fact to do and get away with many things.

And maybe, just maybe, the dangerous thing I have done was finally assuming the position of his girlfriend. I must confess that the times we had as just friends with a bit of intimacy appear better to me now.

I wish we could go back to those times. The man I fell in love with even while I tried to shove the companionship off as a mere façade is dead.

The bond seems to fall off now that he decided to commit to his feelings for me. I want to trust but it all seems the man from yesterday is not the same again today.

hThe joy, the smile, that enfeebles him whenever I appear are either being deliberately concealed by him or rather, has escaped as a result of other more important concern;another woman like me. It’s not that I have assumed he is seeing somewhere else though. “I have finally stalked me as my own. The usual petting, calls… are not necessary.” His heart might have deceived him to think.

But he needs to be reminded that those were the pills which fuelled my emotions. I need those pills more than before.  I must confess, many need to go back and look into their dictionary of “How-to-make-her-say-YES” so as to save many girlfriends from heartbreak. They seem to forget totally those things they did to make the ADUKES’say “I love of me loves all of you.”

A man having realised this once said, “I think the unforgiveable damage I did to the woman I love was getting married to her.” Tell me, what happens when she finally says YES, when you finally ring her to make your place her home?

Nothing right? Afterall, we still have the melancholic “till-death-do-us-part” in store. I swear I shall forbid the pastor to seal my own wedding with such cliché.

I still do not know what has got into my boo’s brain but I’m just bothered before I end up being booed.  I need to know. I am bound to him but it doesn’t grant him the permission to deprive me of those things that made me agree to date him. Is it not now that I ought to enjoy more? I am afraid as well that I have only led our “uncommitted-yet-sweet intimacy into a death trap.

Here I am, waiting for tomorrow to come. Just to ask a question about what is happening to us, “Darling, after a month, do you still see me as the girl you want in your life?”

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