​Person wey dey UI wey no know IDIA 101,  shey that one na UITE? 


See me see wahala oh! Na one morning I sit for one corner of my room dey think of how many pages of photocopy I go do for chemistry 156. Na so I hear knock knock for my door. Make I no forget, I no know the kind witch wey go turn the head of my chi upside down; dey cum give me B86! In front of the kitchen! Haba!  Chai! Kai! See me see trouble oh! Like I tell them say I dey bring the whole Bodija come school. Na so person go dey perceive different ‘spicies of stew’ and shouts of “Kemi! My jollof frices is burning.” 

“Sandra, what do you think, I should eat-cornflakes, fried yam and eggs or should I better still buy food from the cafeteria. I would have just bought indomie but I do not know what is wrong with their cook. They now cook horrible food. Maybe they changed their cook or what do you think?”

“Well, why don’t we just go to Tedder, I am sure that Smith, that guy in PET, the guy that came to see me last night will buy us food. Trust me.”

“I don’t mind if he asks for my number (unlike Queens girls who will surely be asked of their numbers at least by four different guys in a day and luckier than Awo baes who gets the “ah Awo is too far. Anyways I will see you next time.” Such were everyday conversations that the wind brought to my ears everyday.

See, make we move away from super story. Na so one girl come tell me say she carry her phone come charge for kitchen, na so her mumu brain no tell am say Idia cat no dey chase rat. Na dustbin and fresher’s welcome takeaway dem dey look for.

She no come back come check her phone oh! Throughout the night! She come wake up around seven thirty on Saturday morning! The next day o. ODE!

“Excuse me please. I don’t know  but did you see my phone in the kitchen?” She asked me in the sweetest voice I have ever heard. “E go make sense if I use am for my caller tune.”

I beg! Me no understand this girl’s question- say she hear wetin she dey talk so?. “I no know” She no come stop there ‘but’ Haba! My English no reach that level ohhhh! “did you see my phone in the kitchen?” Osanobua! Come hear wetin this mumu dey ask me o. She ask me make I look after any phone or abeg I resemble security officer?

“No,I didn’t”, I humbly replied.

“Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I am finished oh!”

Eeh! Wetin do this girl. Shey na the front of my room they talk say make dem dey do audition?

“My phonneeee oh! You know the sockets in our room aren’t functioning?”

I kept on nodding…

“I came here now and I can’t find ittttttttt.” She burst again into tears.

“Did you check it very well?

Yes I did. Or maybe I should tell the porter.”


Or what do you think?

“Lobatan! Why are you now telling me?”


Then I entered my room without waiting for a reply.

Before I said A, I heard KO! KO! KO!

“Who is there?”

“The porter said that you should come to the porter’s lodge right now!”

To Be Continued…



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